Justin Green's Testimony

“ They overcame him , by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony” - Revelations 12 vs 11

My name is Justin Green and I am 33 years old and I have suffered from drug addiction for over 17 years of my life. The consequences of my wrong choices and bad decisions have had a devastating impact on my family, friends and also myself. Its amazing how the “little” sins and giving into the sinful nature can quickly poison a mans spirit and soul. Before I knew it, I had lost houses, businesses, cars and a wife. I had spent more money than most people earn in a lifetime on crack cocaine. Eventually I found myself on the streets without shoes and wandering where it had all gone wrong.
When I became a Christian my life changed but not immediately at all. You see Jesus seemed like a good way out when I had nowhere else to turn. His gospel promised forgiveness and a new life. Someone to love me when no one else could. An easy way out of my massive problem. The power of God breaks through all strongholds and The Holy spirit began His work in me. Once I grew stronger I decided that I could walk on my own again and so I threw away the “crutch” of Christ. And because of disobedience and pride I soon realized what I was capable of in my own strength, absolutely nothing! Since then I have repented and realigned myself to the Lord. I decided to not only believe in God but to also believe God and his word. I also soon realized that He also believes in me. That He created all of us to be more than conquerers. That we are all uniquely designed to achieve so much more potential that our silly minds can even really conceive. God is still busy with His work in me and in faith I believe first and then hope to see and I am already starting to see how God is reconciling and restoring all that was stolen from me.
You see like His word says, hope does not disappoint us. This is the nature of God. When I ponder on Jesus I feel overwhelmed that God died for me even in my sin, so that I could be free indeed and that nothing I could or ever have done could separate me from Him and nothing I do could ever make Him love me any less. God does make the impossible, possible and my testimony is that no matter where you find yourself in this life, no matter how impossible a situation may seem or that you cannot find a solution, Jesus is the answer to every question. He has taken me from the pit and has placed my feet on solid ground. As each day unfolds I am truly overwhelmed by Gods grace and in obedience now His spirit is making all things new. Praise God the father for His grace and his mercy on my life.
Amen

David V.'s Testimony

Hey there everyone! My name is David van Niekerk. I am 24 years of age. For 8 years of my life I have been in bondage with addiction and have been fighting it ever since. I have discovered that the choices I made as a teenager has had some heavy repercussions. What I once thought was the perfect dream turned out to be a curse that only killed, stole and destroyed. I was just an eager teenager looking for that perfect night out. My life fumbled in front of me and the addictive pattern started to take place. What was once pleasure has now turned to pain, hurt, disappointment, rejection and failure. I have caused so much pain to my family and close friends. I had lost so much in life and just kept on leading a life of destruction. I made heroin my god and I served it with everything I had, to think about it that's all I wanted. I came to a point in life where I had to choose life or death and that where my journey to recovery begun. At this point I was prepared to try anything to come clean and that's how my journey started with the Lord Jesus Christ.
It was a slow and gradual process. I started to learn more about Christ and got saved and baptized. Victory became apparent to me and at that point I got cleaned up. Unfortunately I had never really forgotten the pleasure I had in using and eventually I folded once again. This time things only got worse for the word say's you who clean your house out and invite those demons back into your life come with more than before. I have learnt one thing relapse only become more severe than the first. Next thing I knew I was shooting it up again. The cycle of desperation continued and my life became more and more unmanageable.
Although deep inside I always knew that Christ will set me free, for who the son has set free is free indeed. God has just really never given up on me and his grace is sufficient. After many lost battles I am finally walking in victory as Christ has promised in my life. I am still to this day picking up the little pieces of my heart. It has been a hard road, but one I can say has been well directed by Christ Himself. He has never given up on me and I know he won't give up on You!

David D.'s Testimony

Depression and low self image caused by an unhappy childhood has followed me all my life. At the age of 26 I found a coping mechanism; drugs (ten years worth). At first it was raving. I thought this was innocent. My father was an alcoholic. Ecstasy was not that bad? Stay away from the booze. Who was I kidding?
Three years of raving takes a toll on you. My depression got worst. You look for the next drug up. Then a friend introduced me to cocaine. Here started my downward spiral. Once you use cocaine you need more and more but can never get the same rush. So you look for something that will give you that next high, crack was my choice. I cannot express what that drug does to your soul. The amount of money I wasted the opportunity cost that you cannot put a monetary value on. My marriage destroyed and friendships lost. I could not get a lower self image.
Only 10% of crack users can walk away. I met amazing women who help me to get off the crack. But I went back to coke. This aggravated my depression further. I did try to stop many times. But depression causes a vicious circle. Six months ago a friend on a similar path committed suicide. This was the turning point of my agnostic and destructive life.
I am blessed to work for an incredible caring company with a HR manager who was a gift from God. The company paid for my therapy. I started to get control of my life but still the depression demon was there. I felt like I was back at the same point I was when I was 26 years of age. I hit rock bottom emotionally and financially. I contemplated suicide many times. But God Bless my determined HR manager she got me a ticket for MMC 09.
Just the fact that I went MMC 09 was a miracle. I had not spoken to Jesus in over 20 years I did not believe. BUT WOW what an experience. I gave my life to Jesus that weekend. I have been clean for six months now with no desire to go back to those dark days. My depression is under control. I have so much hope for the future, family and children. There is only one way to find that inner peace and it is through the Lord. There is hope and it is real. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TO ACCEPT JESUS AND BELIEVE.

Antoinette's Testimony

Hello there, mom’s, dad’s, kid’s, aunt’s, uncle’s…DRUG ADDICTS… whoever YOU are, you are special because you are all God’s children.
I am happy I am going to be sharing my story with you.
I am Antoinette, 33 years of age an EX drug addict. My story is quite bizarre , I only used drugs… crack cocaine for 3 months before the nightmare started. Actually, I had gone through a divorce, lost my grandparents in an airplane disaster and my parents had just divorced after 38 years of marriage.
I started suffering depression, went to see a shrink and was put on heavy medication as they diagnosed my with bi-polar. Then a friend of mine “showed me the way out” and introduced me to crack cocaine…rocks. I started smoking on weekends and then it became an everyday event. Before I knew it, it was out of hand. I shamed my family, never had any money and started selling my possessions, one by one. But, the lies, and making as if the world owed me something, that is what I regret most.
July 12th 2008 12h30 AM
Just been to a party, smoked all I had and was on my way home. Decided I didn’t want to go home empty handed so I drove to my dealer to score.
Out of it……I stopped at a huge intersection, window open, smoking a cigarette. Next thing I knew, I had a knife to me throat… I was being hijacked!!!
I froze, was forced over to the passenger side and the stranger drove my car. I looked back and there was another one of them at the back. I was forced by knifepoint to the back seat. They drove at high speed for about 2 hours, I didn’t know where I was and the more I cried the more they threatened to kill me.
All this time I was being “fondled” in the back seat. I wanted to vomit. I knew I was going to die for sure.
Next thing I knew we were in an open bush.
The car stopped.
Both men got out and approached me at the back seat. First my takkies were removed, then my jeans. They were raping me, one at a time. It was so cold, I didn’t feel anything.
When it was over,they stripped me naked, tied my wrists to my ankles. I was in a ball. It was so tight, it hurt so badly. They took the knife to my throat and started cutting slowly. I looked up ant them and pleaded for them not to kill me. They replied “ok you are going to die here anyway.”
They threw me in the bush. It was agonizing the shoelaces were cutting through my cold skin. They drove off. I lay there stunned. It was so cold, I thought if I don’t die of cold, some wild animal was sure to eat me.
Then The Holy Spirit started talking to me as I began praying. I knew there was a sand road we drove on to get to the bush and I had to make my way to it so that someone could find me. I rolled in the bush, thorns digging in my flesh and the shoelaces were cutting through my skin, getting tighter as I rolled. I couldn’t give up. The sun started coming out, finally… the road. I lay there, exhausted, bleeding and naked.
At about 9am a bakkie drove past, I screamed for help, he just drove on, obvioulsly shocked by what he saw. Next minute he reversed and got out. He cut the laces with his pocket knife and covered me an put me into his bakkie and took me to the nearest police station.
The moral of the story here is how I made it through this whole ordeal, not medication or counseling but through the Word. God has never given up on me and was there every step of the way that night, I survived by his grace alone.
Today, I consult God with everything. He is my savior and friend I am happy and at peace with myself and of course drug free for the first time in my life.
So, if you don’t have a relationship with God today, get one!!! He will never let you down, He is our true savior.
May Gods grace be with you all.

Paul's Testimony

My name is Paul Bates and my testimony starts when I was about five years old. That was when I had my first taste of the spiritual world and it was not a good one.
I was sick with pneumonia and the doctor prescribed medicine that contained alcohol. My parents were not aware at the time that I was allergic to it.
As a result I had terrible hallucinations; I saw demons coming out of the walls and cupboards, in the form of snakes and monsters. To this day I can remember them clearly. This happened daily for a few weeks.
Bear in mind that we had no television then, nor books with pictures of evil beasts or anything to plant those images in my mind.
As I grew up I realized that the spiritual world is as real as ours, and I developed an unhealthy interest in it. I was specifically interested in the demonic side of the spirit world.
I was eleven years old, when I heard my first ever ‘heavy metal rock’ song, by a band called AC/DC. A song called ‘Highway To Hell’. That was it. I was hooked on heavy metal rock music.
Back then this kind of music was very hard to come by in this country, as it was considered satanic and rebellious. I did not realize that I was in Satan’s grip.
When I was almost 16 years old I had just immigrated back to this country from England and my collection of heavy metal music had grown dramatically. I had already smoked my first marijuana joint, had my first drunken experience and first satanic gathering.
My room was full of pentagrams, posters of demons etc. Straight away I was in with the wrong crowd and pleased to see that the heavy metal movement in this country had grown.
I sank deeper into Satan’s realm and even had a big upside down cross branded on my arm. Later I had it covered with other tattoos.
At the age of seventeen I dropped out of school, to go to college, which also did not last long. I had moved out of home and was told by my girlfriend that I was going to be a father.
At this point I had some Christians bugging me about Jesus and His saving grace. I hated these people, but did not know why. I always felt sick in their presence, became overwhelmed with terrible anger and beat some of them.
At the age off eighteen I became a father, but remained firm in my ways. Finally, I gave in to the mother of my child and went to church. What was inside me manifested as soon as the praise and worship began. Apparently it was not a pretty sight.
Demons kept manifesting for about two weeks until finally they were driven out. I gave my life to Jesus and was instantly baptized in the Holy Spirit with evidence of speaking in tongues.
There was a hard road ahead as all my friends were still as I used to be and support from the church was almost nothing. I finally went to another church where I started a ministry with the street children in Hillbrow.
That was one of the best moments of my life and God really used me. Unfortunately there was again no support from the church, which later split up due to infighting. I was not impressed and decided to leave.
Shortly after that I went back to my old ways but I never denied the Lord’s name and saving grace. I just made up so many excuses to myself why it was fine for me to smoke lots of marijuana and get totally drunk.
When I turned twenty my first born and her mother disappeared to England. That was heart breaking and threw me into severe depression. Still the Lord was there.
Finally, at the age of twenty-four I met Pastor Steve for the first time and started to fellowship at his church. I studied the Word of God like never before and have grown ever since. I am now thirty-six years old, a minister of God’s Word and a proud member of New Covenant church.
I have been blessed with a wonderful wife and in many other areas of my life. When I look back at my life and all I have been through, I see the Lord’s hand at work. It was only by His mercy and grace that I am where I am today.
All I have been through served a purpose, as it built up my character and brought me to a point where God can use me in building His kingdom here on earth.
It also confirms Gods Word in Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself said, “I will never leave nor forsake you.” Even though sometimes it seemed like it, He NEVER forsook me!
I would like to warn young people of the dangerous combination of music, drugs and the dark-side of the spiritual world. Do not dabble with any of these! We all thought that experimenting with marijuana was not serious. Be careful experiments with one drug leads to addiction and to other experimenting with more dangerous drugs!

Graeme's Testimony

My name is Graeme; I am a recovering drug addict. Here is a brief overview of my life so far.
I was born and raised in the northern suburbs of JHB. My father is a recovering alcoholic of 16 years; my mother and sister are not addicts. I was loved and cared for as a child, and had everything I needed until the age of 7 when my dad’s drinking cost him his business our house and 2 cars. I went from having anything I wanted to the bare necessities. We struggled financially for a long time, but when I was 10 my father got sober with the help of AA (alcoholics anonymous).
I started drinking at the age of 13; I did it secretively and usually by myself. When I entered high school the following year I found others who enjoyed getting drunk and it wasn’t long before we started doing it every weekend. In standard 8 I was hanging around with some of the matrics because I had started smoking cigarettes and felt accepted by them. These matrics introduced me to drugs in the form of marijuana. I smoked my first joint with them one afternoon at school and didn’t get very high but felt rebellious and connected to my new group of friends. I thought I was very cool and part of the “in crowd”. It was not long after this that I started to smoke every weekend and usually once or twice in the week.
In standard 9 I really started losing interest in my schoolwork and my marks reflected that so I had to repeat standard 9. In matric at age 18 I started smoking weed every day, and even wrote my matric finals high, but somehow managed to pass.
The year after matric I went to university to study psychology and found friends who were also involved in the drug culture. We started experimenting with ecstasy and acid. By this stage I was smoking between 10 and 20 joints a day. At the end of the year I had failed my course and decided to drop out. The following year I enrolled at a private college to study advertising. In the December break between varsity and college I was introduced to a substance called Kat. I started using it on weekends and occasionally during the week. That year I was also introduced to cocaine, something I had previously sworn to never get involved with, but I did and I loved it. I managed to scrape through first year and began the second year of my degree. By this stage drugs had become a way of life for me and
I didn’t bother to mix with people unless they were using drugs or I was able to hustle (steal) them out of money or valuables for my drugs. In October of that year I had my first psychotic episode and left college to check into the local hospitals psychiatric ward. I spent 6 weeks there and was heavily medicated. It was suggested to me that I join a fellowship for recovering addicts called N.A.(narcotics anonymous) so I attended a couple of the meetings and stayed clean for 2 months, there I was told that alcohol too is a drug and that I would have to stop drinking in order to be in recovery. I thought I knew better and decided to have a drink, after 2 beers I found myself outside a drug dealers house ripping him off for a couple of grams of Kat. I carried on using Kat and cocaine aggressively for a couple of weeks, until I came across heroine after using coke with another addict. I ended up using heroine daily for just over three months; we smoked schnaarfed and injected this drug. I realised my life was snowballing out of control again and believed it was the heroines fault so I tried to stop using it and went back onto heavy Kat use, which was equally detrimental to my health and sanity, but I didn’t realise that. I was re-doing my second year of advertising at this stage, and started hanging around seedy clubs and bars and soon got into a relationship with a prostitute. She and her friends introduced me to my drug of choice, crack cocaine. The next 7 months were crazy insane and progressively worse. In November that year I had an even worse psychotic episode and was booked into the psychiatric ward again for a couple of weeks, I then moved to a rehab which also has a psychiatric ward and stayed there for another six weeks, after that I was moved to a secondary rehabilitation centre for no less than 4 months. I learnt allot there and got a better understanding of the 12 step program. When I left I stayed clean for eight and a half months, but then stopped going to meetings and naturally relapsed. The relapse lasted three weeks and I demolished everything I had gained in the previous eight and a half months. I then got clean again and relapsed a few more times with two months, three months and five months clean time. My final relapse was my most painful and it ended on the seventh of November 2008, it gets worse every time as this is a progressive disease. I was so desperate to get clean by this stage that I was willing to do whatever it took to stay in recovery. So I attended ninety N.A. meetings in my first ninety days of being clean, I also found a sponsor whom I trust and can relate to, he helps me on a continuous basis. He also suggested that I started working the twelve steps again, which I am currently doing. It’s been over eight months since I have had a drink or a drug and I have been granted freedom from active addiction via the twelve step programme. I still attend meetings regularly, speak to my sponsor daily and work the steps to the best of my ability. It is a program of progress and not perfection, but I know that as long as I stay clean my life keeps getting better day by day.

Christina's Testimony

My name is Christina Karantonis and I am 25 years old. I had a wonderful childhood, I had friends, I went to a good school, I played with barbies and dolls and sang to myself and the trees in my garden when I was alone. My parents never divorced and I had 2 brothers that were seven years older than me and were very protective over me. I had 3 dogs and 2 budgies and very big bed room with dolphin posters and anything else I wanted. Over the years friends started to move and get boyfriends. My brothers moved out of the house and started living their own lives. All I had was my few friends in Primary school and that was it. The only problem was, they were drop dead gorgeous, blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, and thin. Then there was me, the only brunette in our group, funny bunny teeth, round face, not as slim as the others and not as popular with the boys. I was always last in everything, the guys never asked me out, they only spoke to me when they wanted me to hook my friends up with them, and on the rare occasion, my friends would send me to go tell them that they don't want to date them anymore. So I was always the middle man, and when the odd guy came along and wanted to date me, he dumped me as soon as I didn't want to sleep with them.
 
It carried on right through till Grade 9, until I meet a young man that caught my heart and I caught his. Will we call him Bob. He was part of the smokers group and the naughty kids, I liked this. They accepted me for who I was and liked me. They thought I was kind and funny and pretty.
I started to smoke cigarettes in Grade 9 and drink as well. We would go sit on shopping center roof tops and smoke weed and skate board, do graffiti and listen to hip hop. We would bunk school and go make out in alley ways. All through High School I was with this group and dated Bob through most of it. He was then eventually arrested in Grade 11 for possession of weed at school and I was no longer allowed to see him.
 
I finished High School in 2001 and had only tried weed, cigarettes and alcohol at this stage. I went straight into college the following year and started hanging out with friends that used ecstasy. I thought I would give it a try one night at a party and I was hooked. I fell in love with it. It was my new best friend. Now that Bob was no longer around, I felt a very big loss inside me and I needed it to be filled. I found the answer.
My friends loved me when I was on drugs. I had become thinner, felt more confident, and I was wild. I met another guy called Phillip; he was a colored guy and was a little older than me. One day at a pill party we started talking and totally fell for each other. I thought I would be different and date a colored guy. He was just as wild as me, and also took ecstasy. The first year we dated, we were inseparable. My parents were not happy with the lifestyle I was living and warned me. I obviously thought they were just trying to break Phillip and me up and ruin my fun so I stuck closer to Phillip more than ever. At the age of 22 I was weighing 45kg and becoming increasingly paranoid, thinking that the whole world is against me and hearing stories that Phillip was cheating on me. I was having drug induced psychosis and dreaming some heavy stuff. My started stealing stuff from the house to keep up the drug intake for Phillip and I but I eventually ran out of thing to steal and had we had to find rich friends. Which we did, but along with the rich friends came Cat and Cocaine. The second I tried cat, I never touched pills again after that. I loved cat, no one could see that I was high, it gave me energy, and it felt so good.
Phillip fell in love with Cocaine and this brought out a side of him that I thought I would never have to experience in my life. He became aggressive and abusive, mentally, physically and emotionally. He destroyed me, but I stuck with him. I eventually fell pregnant around our 2 year mark of dating and at this stage I hated Phillip. So without him knowing I tried to kill the baby by taking copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. I was unsuccessful so I had an abortion. He did eventually find out about it and threatened to kill me and my family. Thank God that never came about.
 
Well, the pain inside me of what I had just done was obviously unbearable and the only way I knew how to push the pain away was by using drugs. That following month after my abortion I went crazy. I was using everyday and I didn't care who I hurt or what I did to get my bag or three everyday. Phillip was becoming increasingly abusive and I was hating him more everyday, but too scared to leave him because he threatened to put a bullet through my dad's head, get my mother raped and beat my brothers till they twitching on the floor and bleeding to death. Whenever he calmed down the only way I was able to leave was to pretend that I was fine with him and sleep with him.
Only then would he let me leave. Because of this I fell pregnant again and this time I told my parents. They said they will support me which ever way I go. I decided, "No I don't want this baby that belongs to this animal of a man." so I had another abortion. I was completely knocked out unlike the first time where I was awake and nothing to help me get through it. It was plain torture and I will never wish that on my worst enemy. Anyway, I went through with the second abortion and once again, Phillip found out, but was not so angry. He forgave me, and said I am allowed to stay with him. I told him I didn't want to and he chased me with a butcher’s knife around the house while his family sat and watched him beat me. I chose to stay, to my parent’s dismay.
 
A few months down the line, I become reckless, and even more careless, trying to kill me and Phillip in car accidents and drug overdoses.
I had friends telling me that he was sleeping with other girls and going out when I dropped him off at home. This drove me to a state I cannot explain to you in words. I tried to make Phillip love me more and not go to other women by sleeping with him more often, doing strip teases for him and buying us all our drugs. I was constantly getting bladder infection from him sleeping around, but I refused to believe it. I thought it was me. I then once again, fell pregnant and was about to take my own life. My mother refused to take me for another abortion, but I threatened them with my life if someone doesn't get rid of this thing inside of me. So my brother and my dad took me, and I was put under mild anesthetic and kept waking up during the process screaming from the pain. That was the final straw and, I couldn't do it anymore. My parents sent me away when I had recovered and I just had to pray that Phillip didn't go through with all his threats when my family told him I was gone. 2005 I never heard from him again, till today. But that didn't mean I wasn't still hurting, I still used drugs even more now and combining everything I could to make the pain go away. I even tried to change my living space. I met a guy and moved to London with him. I found my new drug there that ruled my life. Magic Mushrooms. I had everyday; I mixed it with food and partied till I couldn't anymore. I would literally drop and sleep for days. My boyfriend at the time did not like this and started seeing other girls and kicked me out the house to live somewhere else. My drug intake got worse, I was using a gram of Cocaine everyday by myself and if I didn't have enough money I would buy a bag of speed. Day in and day out. There was a house that was always partying that I made a few friends with where we would take up to 13 ecstasy pills in one night. I completely lost myself. Sometimes I didn't know where I was, who I was because I was so fried. I stole money from anyone I could because I couldn't work in my state. After 6 months in the UK, I was convinced I was going to kill myself if I carried on. I needed to go home, I needed my family. Bombs were going off underground with the trains and buses roofs were being blown off, no taxis would pick anyone up, planes were delayed and I had, had enough.
I came back to South Africa and hooked up with old friends and that included Bob. We started dating the moment we looked at each other. We dated for nearly 3 years, but it was not all fun and games. We were insanely in love only the first couple of months. I brought cat into the picture and it once again took over everything. We did everything together on cat and when we got bored with cat, we used acid sometimes pills and cocaine. I started stealing money from my parents and every bit of money was earned, went to drugs and alcohol. I still remember Bob asking me one day, if you had to choose between cat and me, which one would you choose? I said to him, “Cat, I would choose cat.” And I drove away. We fought constantly, breaking up and getting back together. Sometimes our fights got physical; sometimes we killed each others souls with words and actions. Half way into our third year of dating we moved in together and thought that maybe living together would help us stop using, help become more responsible, it worked for 2 months but we soon slipped back into our old routine. Drugs, drinking, fighting, tearing each other apart. He left me a few times and came back, I kicked him out a few times and asked him to come back, and eventually it all just got too much. I tried to go to church, I read books to help me think straight and find a way to fix us. I cried, and I prayed. I fell on my knees some nights when Bob didn’t come home and screamed to God to take me out this mess. I decided to get baptized at my new church I was going to, to see if that would maybe stop me from wanting drugs all the time and I can then save our relationship. It was quite a big thing, but the night before I got baptized, we were using cat and decided to buy acid as well.
I was coming off drugs while getting baptized and then still after that I used again and again. Little did I know that this was all part of God’s plan to rescue me. I feel the baptism gave him the right of passage to do what he needs to do in my life to save me, no matter what I do. I wanted the Lord to help me but at this stage I thought he had given up on me. I lost my job, no other people would hire me, and Bob packed up his stuff one day and was officially moved out and never came back. I had to give up my flat because I had no job, I was laying on my bed the last night in my empty flat, alone, with a cigarette hanging out my mouth, lines of cat on a plate next to me, and an ashtray piled up with stompies, I switched on the TV and porn came on. This is when I sat up, “what has come of my life? Look at this.” I looked around me and burst into tears. I might as well go live in a crack house. My dealer was looking for me anyway because I had done him in with 2 grams. I crashed and burned that night and knew I needed help. I could not do this alone anymore. Nothing else worked. I called my dad on Fathers’ Day 2008 and told him that I needed to go to rehab because I could no longer control the drugs. They were now controlling me. Within two weeks I was now off to Healing Wings in Mozambique. I was only going to spend three months there, but landed up staying a year. I found out that drugs were not the problem, it was me. All the pain I was causing myself from rejection to abandonment, my abortions and guilt. Not knowing how to cope with pain and not having anyone stable to lean on when things got tough. I was in a stable Godly environment where I was able to face my demons and cry. I was at a place where I confessed all that I did and was not judged for it. I cried and was held till I stopped, I wrote down everything and found the Lord. He became my confidant and support. He filled me with a love that I never experience before and you know what, He will never stop loving me. No matter what. There is nothing more I can do to make him love me more, there is nothing less I can do that will change his love for me. He loves me just how I am, he delights in me and he saved me. Psalm 18.
I have just come out of Healing Wings in June 2009 and it is very hard out here in the real world that is no lie. I struggle everyday, but as long as I have the Lord by my side every step of the way, as long as I trust him and know that whatever He is doing, is going to be the good and for his glory. I want to do nothing more than serve my Father in heaven. I want to please him; I want to help those who are out there suffering like I did. I want to show them the Love the Lord has for them and how much more to life there is. I thought there was nothing else but drugs, sex, music and trying to please people so they would like me and accept me. I am so glad I have been shown the light and the truth, Jesus has shown his face to me and it’s something I want to bask in till I go home to him.
Amen.

Janine 's Testimony

My name is Janine Masters, I am 30 years old and I was in active addiction for 6 years of my life. I finished my programme 4 months ago and been clean now for 10 months.
I had a very unhappy childhood, I was date raped at the age of 15 years old and had an abortion. At 18 years old I fell pregnant and got married and at 21 years old I had my second child. My oldest daughter was also sexually abused by my brother-in-law. I Lived with an abusive husband, and was very depressed. Doctors said that I suffered from post traumatic stress and was a manic depressant. I lived on anti-depressants and anti-psychotics for many years and became addicted. I then got divorced and needed an escape, needed to numb my pain. Met someone and got introduced to drugs – that was my escape, new man, partying and drugs… I first experimented Cocaine, “E” (Ecstasy), “A” (Acid) and did this every weekend for about a year. That was not enough, I started using more and more need to binge to get that first rush feeling and never wanted to come down, need to get higher and higher. I started loosing weight and felt good about myself – I had self-confidence – something I never had growing up. The drugs I was using was not enough for me anymore so that’s when I starting mixing my drugs, from Cocaine, Kat, E, A and then got my hands onto Crystal Meth. That’s when I fell deep into the clutches of addiction. By this time I had fallen pregnant with my third child, it was difficult to stop but I was pregnant and I knew that it would be a danger to my unborn child. I minimized my using but did not stop, my child was born very healthy, Praise the Lord! After all of this my addiction got worse on the crystal meth, I had lost my job, lost contact with my family and it was just me and my boyfriend looking after our addictions. By this time my weight was 30kg’s, I looked horrid, I was so mul-nutrient as I wouldn’t eat or sleep for up to 15 days at a time… I could sleep, if I slept I was afraid that something would happen to me. I became so paranoid that someone would break into the house to take my kids away or that someone would come to hurt me. I used to lock myself in my cupboard so that no one could see what I was doing and what I looked like. By this time I had already been admitted into hospital 3 times for overdosing. The doctors by this time diagnosed me with Bipolar Disorder Type II. I was put onto medication but was not using my medication correctly. As I was still in full active addiction as well as abusing my prescription medication. Due to this abuse I found myself admitted into hospital every 3 to 6 months with a relapse in my Bipolar or because of overdosing. At the end of 2006 my boyfriend then left me for a friend and took my child with him, I was devastated. By this time I had been very involved with my dealer and his family, that I started helping them sell the drugs and transport the huge amount of drugs from one place to another. I spent most of my time in the streets, prisons (smuggling drugs in to help my guys who were arrested) or in the courts bailing my guys out. They used me as a decoy and it worked. For 2 years I lived in this dark, dark pit of hell… Enough was enough I couldn’t take this anymore… I was about to loose my kids, my sanity, my life!!!
I cried out to God, “Please, Lord, I can’t do this anymore, take this pain away…” I want to be normal, I want to live as your child. I want to walk in the light… Soon after that, people were put in my path and I was admitted into rehab on the 8th October, 2008.I completed my programme successfully and in this time God watched over my kids and family and protected my children… I now have my two girls back in my life and working towards getting my baby girl back. I know that in HIS time I will get her back. By God’s Grace and Mercy I was saved from the clutches of Hell… Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sins, and I am ever so grateful that I am walking in the Light. I now have an amazing job, working for my family which I’m grateful for I have reunited with the important people in my life and only God could have opened these doors for me. God has also put an amazing man of God in my path whom I love very dearly… I plan to fulfil God’s calling by sharing my testimony and to bring awareness that DRUGS is NOT that GLAMORIOUS at all. And it damages lives. I believe God put me through this for a reason and what ever that may be all I know is that God’s plan is AWESOME!!!
Put God first in your life and all shall follow… God Bless.

Diary of a drunk by Karen

Here are excerpts from the Diary I kept during my drinking days

Monday 8 March 1999

Dear Diary, I am so scared. Today I’m supposed to go back to work and I’m terrified. There’s no alcohol and I’m scared I’m going to get the DT’s*…

Same day, 5:30pm

Well Diary, I didn’t go to work today…

Wednesday 24 March 1999

Dear Diary… well it’s official: I MUST stop drinking. I think this must be my first priority. Drinking makes me either aggressive or maudlin – both unpleasant…

…so, since I’m actually already drinking today I’m going to make a plan for Monday. Monday I STOP DRINKING! Yes, I can do this!

Monday 29 March 1999

Dear Diary… Well D-Day today, 8:30am and I’ve already messed up, but not too badly. I woke up this morning all rearing to get going in my new life, walked through to the lounge and spotted last nights left-over whisky and water and let it mess with my mind for about 5 minutes before downing it – Bad girl Karen!

Downing that whisky this morning was a bad plan because one I start drinking it’s difficult to stop. Oh well… spirits sinking as I write… oh please Karen get through the day girl, pull yourself together.

Same day, 2:30pm

Well I got to 2pm and now have a whisky in hand. Damn. So maybe I’ll try until 3 tomorrow.

Monday 17 May 1999

Gave up drinking

Tuesday 25 May 1999

Well, I didn’t drink until Thursday night. Trying not to drink during the day now, but I need to work out a proper plan, should it be:
- Only drinking on weekends?
- Never drinking by myself?
- Only after 5?
- How much?
- Never?

Monday 31 May 1999

Hello Diary! Well, first things first: my nasty drinking problem. Okay (damn, here I go again) I lasted 4 days totally dry. I think it’s like this: I don’t HAVE to drink every day and I can NOT drink without TOO much pain, BUT (and isn’t there always one of those) I find that once I START drinking I don’t stop! This causes many problems and I often wake up all hung-over and then have a drink to ease the hangover symptoms and then spend the rest of the day and night in various stages of inebriation – shocking? Indeed! So the damn saga continues…

Monday 6 March 2000

Hello Diary! Well Monday today. On Saturday we had a really horrible lunch with the folks and when we got home [my boyfriend] suggested we open a bottle of Champaign, so I drank most of one bottle on Saturday and another bottle on Sunday. I’m not going to let that be an excuse for starting drinking again.

Tuesday 2 January 2001

Options:
Stop drinking completely - ever!
Carry on
Moderate:
After 5pm every night and gung-ho on weekends
Limit number of drinks per day (e.g. mix percentage of alcohol with percentage of water? Use whole day)
Drink only on weekends
Drink only after 12
Only drink when someone else is
Only drink when out – keep no alcohol in house
Drink only certain things
Drink only after completing number of tasks (write out tasks the day before)Friday 6 April 2001: I was admitted to the emergency room (for the third time) by my boyfriend in the early hours of the morning. After a few days there they diagnosed pancreatitis* (a disease they normally only find in the very old who have been drinking for many years). My doctor told me that if I didn’t stop drinking I could die from the next drink I had. I went to rehab for 6 weeks, have been attending AA meetings regularly ever since, and celebrated 8 years of sobriety on the 6th of April this year (2009).

*DTs: delirium tremens: acute delirium caused by alcohol poisoning

*Pancreatitis: Inflammation of the pancreas that can produce severe pain and debilitating illness. Its onset can be predicted by rises in blood levels of the pancreatic enzyme amylase: most often caused by gallstones or alcohol abuse.

Josie 's Testimony

I guess I had a pretty normal childhood. There used to be alcohol around the
house but drugs has always been a taboo. As I grew up I had my first joint at the age oof seventeen. Also tried something at a club one night, don't really know what it was, acid or something. The point I'm trying to make is that I've never really been a person who is likely to use drugs.

At the age of 19 I was introduced to rocks by a person I was living with. He and his wife were in there 40 to 50's. They used to buy it once a month and then smoke that one night only. The next day it was over till end off next month. So to me it seemed like a "clean harmless" drug. After I moved away from there I only used it again once over the next 8 or so years. Then in around 2007 I started drinking heavelly and eventually started using rocks only when I was totally drunk. I had my own business which was going pretty well so money wasn't really a problem. But it was always a problem smoking at night because you have to hide it from everyone. Then one day I realised that I got all day, when everyone else is at work, to smoke. ( My office was at home) That was when the real trouble started. I cant really remember much from there. The days flew past and everyday was just
another opportunity to smoke. I lost track of time and money. My business started going backwards but I didn't really care. When things got too much I just took another hit. I had no one to talk to or turn to for help.

Then one morning I woke up after a heavy night of smoking. It was a Saturday morning and I was supposed to look after my 18 month old baby daughter. I was so wasted that next morning I couldnt get up. Then when I eventually woke up I saw my baby girl looking at me with these big eyes. It was then that I decided I had to stop. The fight of my life started. I have never had to do anything that took so much self control and self discipline. I would stop for up to a month some times. Then the drug dealer would bring me a "present" After smoking that I would feel like a total failure all over again and the only way to stop that feeling is to smoke again, and again and again.

But in the end all the fighting and praying payed off. I went to the MMC 09 and gave my heart to Jesus. I am not sure exactly how long I have been clean now but its been long. Somedays are easier than others but as long as I have Jesus by my side I will never turn to my old ways again. I have to thank the Lord everyday for the hole he took me out of. I would never be able to walk this road alone.

GETUIENIS VAN : SONJA VAN DER WALT

Vrygekoop deur die Bloed van Jesus'n Addict is geneig om almal om hulle die skuld te gee vir wat hulle gedoen het, of vir wat hulle vandag is, MAAR ek blameer niemand nie. Dis jou eie keuse in jou lewe wat jy maak.
Dit is so moeilik om 18 jaar se verlore jare op skrif te sit. Slegs die Heilige Gees kan my lei.
Dinge in my lewe het verkeerd geloop vanaf ek 19 was. Ek onthou ek het my eerste sigaret gerook in Departement Landbou se toilette waar ek gewerk het. En ek het dadelik daarvan gehou. En so het dit aangegaan vir 18 jaar.
Alles waarvan die Bybel praat wat nie reg is in die oe van die Here nie, het ek gedoen, nl:
Lesbeniasm; Druggie, owerspel, ens.
Eers het ek begin drink en met verkeerde maats te doen gehad op 19. En dis waar als begin het.
Dit was nie meer goed genoeg nie en wou ek verder gaan en het begin sterker dinge gebruik soos:
Heroin, Rocks, Cocaine, hoesmedisyne, gom, enige pil ...(enige iets wat op die mark is)
Uit al die gebruik het leuens, bedrieg, steel, ens. Ingetree.
Wanneer ek nie geld gehad het nie het ek maar enige pil of snuif-goed gebruik net om my beter te laat voel
Stadig maar seker het ek gevoel hoe my lewe wegkwyn, en hoe ek myself begin verloor. Ook het het my familie, vriende verloor.
Al die drugs en drank het gemaak dat ek op ’n makliker manier geld te maak. Ek het in agentskappe gewerk en my liggaam begin verkoop en sodoende genoeg geld gemaak vir wat ek ookal nodig het. En so het dit jare aangehou. My missie met die mans was om hulle almal op drugs te sit, waarvan ek 80% reggekry het. Van mans kan niemand my iets vertel nie. Dis nie die arm man wat by Gesellin plekke uithang nie, MAAR die man met geld, die man met aansien, die man wat kan betaal. In so 'n klub het ek baie beroepe gehad nl. jy speel sielkundige – vir die ou wat net sy probleme wil uitpraat; jy is die hoer in die bed – wat die man nie by die huis kry nie; jy is die lady op straat – vir die man wat jou na restaurante wil vat – En daaroor kan ek nog 'n boek skryf.
’ n Ordentelike werk kon ek nie hou nie en het aan en af ’n goeie werk verloor. Ek het van plek tot plek “ge-travel”. Daar is nie 'n stad waar ek nie was nie – (veral by die kus: Kaapstad, EL, PE, Natal, ens)
Ek het verskeie kere amper by die dood omgedraai namate die drugs erger geword het.
Tot op ’n dag wat ek besluit het nou het ek genoeg gehad van als en van myself en het ’n vriend my gehelp om in ’n rehabilitasie sentrum in te gaan. Daar was ek vir 28 dae.
Vir ’n maand was ek skoon MAAR het weer begin gebruik. Sewe keer meer duiwels het in my ingevaar!!So het dit aangegaan en hierdie keer was dit net erger.
Dit was so erg dat ek my huis inhoud, kar, en als verpan het vir geld sodat ek my goed kan kry.
Ek was so laag onder teen die grond dat ek op ’n stadium moes bedel vir ’n snytjie brood. Ek het ook op busstoppe geslaap of in parkeer areas. Ek het “rock-bottom” bereik en op die straat my geld gemaak. Ek het later so sleg gelyk van al die drugs dat ek nie meer kon geld maak nie.
Ek kon nie meer nie. Ek het by Christian Praise Centre – Brakpan uitgekom ('n plek vir Hawelose mense). Daar het ons elke oggend dienste gehad vir 3 ure en van 10 uur af het ons telesales gedoen. Jesus het my aangeraak en ek is in die swembad gedoop op 5 November 2004.
Ek het werk gekry in Pretoria en by my moeder ingetrek. Ek wil vir haar ook dankie sê dat sy vir 18 jaar op haar kniee was vir my. Sy het my totaal en al teruggegee aan die Here.
Vandag is ek 5 en 'n half jaar skoon. Ek dien die Here met my Hele hart en ek lewe net vir vandag.
Jesus het my gewas WITTER DAN SNEEU.
Mense sal my nie glo nie, Maar Jesus het vir my 'n splinternuwe liggaam, siel en gees (en nuwe selle) gegee.
Ek het “unconditional love” vir diere ontwikkel, en het ook in Junie 2009 begin skilder. Ek reik ook uit na kinders/mense met 'n drug/drank probleem. Dit doen my goed om iemand raad te gee oor die pad waar ek was.
Hierdie proses is 'n dag vir dag proses. Ek lewe elke dag net vir vandag.
*NB: Ek het Sondag die 27ste September my sigarette gelos en is van dit ook verlos vir 2 dae nou (in die naam van Jesus. Want ek kan dit nie sonder hom doen nie.)
GAAN IN JESUS SE VREDE
“ Ek is tot alles in staat deur Christus wat my krag gee”
“ Groter is hy wat binne in my is as hy wat in die wereld is”
Sonja

G's Testimony

Hey boet, long time no hear or see since matric 1994. I
used to work for a company called (***) where A also worked
although he was based in Cape Town at the time. At our
company christmas party he came up and we met again and I
enquired as to how you were doing. He gushed about how well
you were doing and I was happy to hear of a fellow
Parktonian doing so well. I have read the newspaper
articles on your wall and am really sorry to hear about
your slide. I can really sympathise with you as I also went
through a similar experience.

Remember the drug show they did in the hall at school? We
all found it really funny hey because we were messing
around with dagga at the time and all thought "It could
never happen to us". After school I got into the rave
scene, started taking pills and acid. I then became a
runner at the raves to support my habit. I then progressed
to cocaine and when that became to expensive I moved onto
cat. At this time all was going still well financially and
in my life.

The day my slide began was the day I was offered a cocaine
rock! It was instant addiction and I couldnt stop smoking
it. My life revolved around it. I lost my car, job and
house within a year. I prayed and prayed to God to take me
away from the addiction and demon and I think it was when I
was almost truly in the gutter that I mustered the courage
to give it up. I praise the Lord for that.

Well I am going two years without crack cocaine and my life
is becoming to come right bit by bit. I have a really good
job again although I have to catch a bus because NO bank or
short term loan place will lend me a cent to buy a car. I
have a wondeful salary although two thirds of it goes to
paying of Loan Sharks and my accumulated debts. I guess it
is all because of this that I am ashamed to show up at and
Old Boys day or Rugby match. It is really hard and
depressing although I am thankful I didnt end up in the
grave.

Yes, God is great. We had everything and lost it all. We
thought we knew it all till we were almost goners. But God
led us out of that abyss. I am thankful though that both of
us went through what we did now and not later in life. We
have learnt a valuable lesson and we can only go forward in
life (the right way) and prosper as we were borned to.

This is a picture of my daughter and I. She is my life and
I live to make her proud and happy.

Anyway boet, keep well.

Justin Paynter's Testimony

My name is Justin Paynter. I am 28 years old and finally found freedom from a lifetime of drug abuse. I was 18 years old when I was introduced to cocaine. I had tried many other drugs but cocaine grasped me an iron fist. Within 2 years I had lost all control over my life. I had become a full blown addict and I was now involved in many dark and illegal ventures to support my habit. Cocaine was my everything and I would do anything to get it. I always hated liars and thieves and my family watched helplessly as I became the very thing that I hated. I lied, stole, cheated and abused my way to my next fix. I was living a nightmare and the people that loved me and tried to help me were the people that I hurt the most. I lost everything in the end, possessions family, friends, and my identity. A good friend of mine was gunned down next to me for a pile of white powder. I tried everything to get off cocaine but all my efforts were in vain. I had to lose everything before my eyes were opened. In a last effort to save myself, I went to rehab where I found God while digging a 3m x 3m pit. I was chipping away at the ground until my hands started bleeding. What had I become? I cried out to whoever would listen and God answered me in a way that cannot be explained. From that very moment , I put down everything, even cigarettes. My entire outlook on life has changed. All I want to do now is now give back where I can. For the first time ever, I can truly say that I am walking the path that God intended for my life.